When the conversation’s over,
The silence just gets in the way…
We’ve taken what’s been given,
And just threw it all away…
It’s hard to be forgiven,
When there’s nothing left to say…
Stories Of Making Songs (6 songs)

Burn Out - This is one of my favorites, a strange, wonderful song perfectly served, produced and played by me and my old manager… I wrote it and recorded it in an afternoon. I scribbled lyrics while Rade was working on the drum programming, and I got to drag out a lot of phrases that had been floating around my notebooks and glue them together. I’ve been waiting for a week for it to get done and for the band to somehow change it, but they didn’t change anything. I guess this is it.

Crazy Bastard - I have a confession to make, which is that this is my favorite track in this collection. Why? Not sure… Maybe it’s because I have absolutely zero memory of recording it. Day after recording it I didn’t even know how the hell do I have this song in my computer, then Petar said that we recorded it drunk… The chorus is wack, but the verses and their creepy talk-over vibe and screams are more than make up for it. I also like the scrathces. It’s really a crazy song. Must be the drink.

Horse Sized - This was a song that I wrote for a girl in my neighbourhood that was talking around against me with a lot of people and said that I am a loser just because I told her that I don’t like her at all and that I don’t wanna be friends with her ‘cause she is a little whore. I decided that I should record some proper song for her and retake the hill. The band told me that I should change lyrics a bit so that it can be a song for every little whore or a famous bitch. And this is it. It’s kind of stupid and kinda brilliant at the same time. I said to Lazar that it will be better if he plays on synthesizer instead of bass, but he did both, my riff smashes and sounds very heavy while Petar plays solo like a mad man, I was shocked when I first heard it. Pavle crushed the drums… Gotta say, sorry Jovana and other girls who are offensed by this song… It’s not like I care…

Good Day - I had moved to a new kind of style while I was working on this song. I’ve found some of my old cheesy loop cds and somehow came up with this pseudo-technometal pop song. It should be horrible but somehow I really really like it. It was one of the first things I had produced all by my lonely self after a lot of time, and I still love the gnarly bass sound, the casual violence of my voice and the cynical spirituality of the whole thing. “Were you faking it all along? – hah! TODAY IS A GOOD DAY TO DIE!” fuggin da bomb.

Gone Away - After the band’s first comeback I got in this LOVE period (Funny, I still kinda am). Trying to let my emotions go, thinking about one girl and writing somekind of love songs. This being the best example. Petar plays some nice piano, it must be said, and while this isn’t as developed as it should be it does manage to be very sad… Plus, I love the little “hoo”s at the end…

Lust - A demo for an unfinished song that I really like, but I haven’t really played it to anyone… It’s a song that I like to keep as a secret, ‘cause it’s kinda stupid… I’m starting to take a more of a role with my guitar, trying to create counter melodies and trying to hide the fact that I suck at guitar. I like the essence of some of these lines, even if they’re a little ham-handed. “I believe in lust, I believe in what my hands can touch, I believe that everything we’ve done is already forgiven.” When in doubt, write about sex…

You know those days when you’re so fucked up but you don’t really know why? I guess it’s becuase of all the little things that somehow hurt you at the moment, but you don’t recognize them at the time, or you’re trying to ignore them… But how the time goes on, and more of those moments come, you’re becoming so weak that at the end of the day you fucking wish to die. And then the worst part comes in your head… The past… Last few weeks I’m saying that ”The past doesn’t matter”, but those are just a fake words coming from my mouth… You think about all the sad points of your life that happend before, and realize that there are too much of them. You’re thinking about how really nothing has changed since then, except you. All the people that are around you today are the same as the people that were around you years ago, just with different faces, voice and body. You love, but you’re not being loved the same way. You’re looking at all the fucking people that are or were happy in love and then you remember how you were always lonely and had nobody that loved you so much as you did them and how you were suffering alone in the silence and then you start to cry because today it’s the same story. People try to use you, you have problems with family and school and you’re just to tired of everything goin around and around again. You’ve changed, a lot, but you got nothing from it. Three fucking years you haven’t felt real happines… So you’re drinking yourself to death just to try to escape from reality, you’re doing drugs just to feel okay and smoking cigarrettes to stop being nervous. And you want to destroy yourself so much that you might die soon. You have ”real” friends, alright, but a very little number od them, and even they don’t know you for real and they have somebody else more important then you, while they are the most important thing for you. You will litterally do anything for them, especially for the one person you love, hoping that they will respect you and love you as much as you do but it doesn’t seem to work. At the end of the day you’re still a lonely boy that keeps gettin’ hurt till the end of the day. Oh and much of other ”friends” are really just a selfish bastards that fake their smile because they want company to feel popular or they want to drink with somebody. Even music doesn’t work for you anymore. You have a broken heart, you feel weak, sad, pointless, lonely and you’re becoming cold… Day by day you’re suffer more and more and you wonder when will it all end. When will you feel really okay and happy? Then you give up and go to sleep…

Today, as I fall deeper into a manic state,
I’m a prime candidate for the gene to receive the drug addict traits.
Blood pressure climbs at a dramatic rate,
I seem to gravitate to the bottle of Wine then I salivate.
Started off with the day well, like ”I think I’ll just have a taste”,
Couple of sips of that then I gradually graduate.
Then I got an idea to use drug called Ksalol like ”Yeah that’s great”,
I go to just take one and I end up like having eight…
Now I need something in my stomach cause I haven’t ate,
Maybe I’ll grab a plate of eggs and I’ll have a steak…
And I’m taking everything at stake,
imagining my friends faces, ”Dude something is wrong with Marko I think,
He’s acting weird again, he’s really beginning to scare me.
Won’t shave his beard again and he pretends he doesn’t hear me…
And all he does is using drugs, cigarettes and alcohol,
He just fell down, what should I do? I don’t know…”

Sometimes I feel so alone, I just don’t know,
Feels like I been down this road before…
So lonely and cold, it’s like something takes over me,
As soon as I go home and close the door.
Kinda feels like déjà vu,
I wanna get away from this place I do.
But I can’t and I won’tsay I try, but I know that’s a lie,
Cause I don’t and why I just don’t know…

”Take a nice cold brew, it’s just a beer”,
That’s the devil in my ear, I’ve been fighting for a fuckin’ year,
And that fucker still talks to me he’s all I can fuckin’ hear..
”Marko, come on, let’s start a game, you shouldn’t fear.”
Now, maybe if I just drink half I’ll be half buzzed,
For half of the time, who’s the mastermind behind that little line?
With that kind of rationale man I got in half of my mind?
But, I’ll have another half of glass of wine, I sound asinine.
Yeah I know, but I never had no problem with alcohol,
Ouch, look out for the wall, aim for the couch - I’m ‘bout to fall.
I missed the couch and down I go lookin’ like a bouncy ball,
Shit musta knocked me out cause I ain’t feel the ground at all.
Wow, what the fuck happened last night, where am I?
Man, fuck am I hungover and goddamn I
Got a headache, should I take some drugs, why can’t I?
All systems ready for take off, please stand by.

Sometimes I feel so alone, I just don’t know,
Feels like I been down this road before…
So lonely and cold, it’s like something takes over me,
As soon as I go home and close the door.
Kinda feels like déjà vu,
I wanna get away from this place I do.
But I can’t and I won’t, say I try, but I know that’s a lie,
Cause I don’t and why I just don’t know…

So I take a drug, splash it hits my stomach then, ahhhh,
Couple of weeks go by it ain’t even like I’m gettin’ high.
Now I need it just not to feel sick, yeah I’m gettin’ by,
Wouldn’t even be taking this shit if my soul didn’t die.
”Oh yeah, there’s an excuseyou lose love so you use”
There’s new rules, it’s cool if it’s helpin’ you to get through…
It’s twelve noon, ain’t no harm in self inducing a snooze,
What else is new, fuck it what would you do in my shoes?
Now here I am three months later, full blown relapse,
Just get high until the parents get home from work, oh relax.
And since I’m convinced that I’m an insomniac,
I need these pills to be able to sleep so I take three naps.
Just to be able to function throughout the day, let’s see,
Let’s take a nap, how many Diazepams? Three
And that will average out to about one good hour’s sleep…